Hot yoga was intense. Downward dog is harder than it looks.
I now have a new respect for all the girls I've disrespected in that position.

...kidding.

But still, yoga is pretty damned hard.

It was basically the exact opposite of every exercise I've ever done.
I'm used to weights and windsprints, not stretchy-pants stretch-and-holds.
Now I'm worn out without being sore, which is another new feeling.
Sort of like slow-motion hockey under heatlamps while getting a massage.

When I first walked in the door, I saw a ton of good-looking women.
Everyone was extremely nice and cheerful, and not like nightclub fake-cheerful.
I tried to decide whether it was the yoga making these people happier,
or just that happy dorks in general tend to be the ones who do yoga.

After trying it, I'm convinced that doing yoga actually makes people nicer.
If I quit the bar, got a normal job, and went to moksha regularly...
I'd probably soon become a happy well-adjusted productive person.

Doesn't sound like something I'll be doing though.
But hey, overall it was pretty neat. Highly recommended.
Maybe I'll drop back in now and then to help balance out my messed up life.

MC Hammer at Blush tomorrow, lol.

To answer my own question...

If you hold onto a lightbulb while tasering yourself it does not light up.

It did however give me a bleeding nose this time, which is probably not a good sign.
Most likely this will be the last of my stungun adventures for a good long while.

Monday July 21st - Jabbawockeez show @ Blush
(Winners of "America's Best Dance Crew")

So near the end of the night I walk up to my door guy:

"Hey check the counter again I don't think we're at capacity yet."

"Uhhh... are you serious?"

"Pfft, no."

So I'm outside Blush texting rap battles back and forth to my VIP door-guy...

TEXT: I make money like a bee makes honey

TEXT: I spread your mother like bread spreads butter

...and okay yeah I realize bread doesn't really spread butter, shut up.
Mike (the door-guy) actually didn't even notice that because he's a big idiot.
Plus there's the fact that I text-message rhymes like a clock tells times.

Just saying...

Anyways, while that was happening some homeless guy snuck up on me,
and he starts talking shit telling me he wants to karate-fight or something.
This goes on for some time until I uncover the real reason for his visit:

"Fuck yooo, gimme five dollars"

"Pfft, maybe if you did something interesting."

"Wuh u wan so i gonna beat chu at pushup?"

"What? ... Wait what? You wanna have a pushup contest?"

"Flirefight muo pushup whuddyu do!"

"No idea what you're saying, but if you beat me at pushups I'll give you five dollars."

So I had a pushup contest with a homeless guy on the sidewalk outside the bar:



The drunken maniac actually managed to do 23 pushups.
I was pretty impressed, but not five dollars worth of impressed.
Also I stopped after 24 because I'm all about doing the bare minimum.

No five dollars for you, in the strangest life I've ever known.

My friend is texting me from thanksgiving dinner with her family.
Dinners with them have never been pleasant for her, I suggested she get high to help make it more tolerable.

My dad just asked why I'm coughing so much and if I have asthma, and I turned super red.

Tell him you're allergic to turkeys.
Look at him funny to imply that perhaps he is the turkey you are referring to.

*fifteen minutes passes*

Maybe I DO have asthma.

I log onto msn for two minutes and THIS happens...
What the hell world am I even living in here?



In a completely unrelated story, the guy in the apartment above me...
has to be just about the worst premature-ejaculater of all time.

...at least from what I've heard.

I decided not to go to work today, pretty much for no reason.
Right around lunchtime somebody phoned me:

Hey are you planning on coming in today?
Oh shit I totally went to the wrong office I've been working for hours.
Uhhh, Matt pretty sure we only have the one office.
I know that you idiot. I'm still in bed, stop calling me.

Then I spent the last 20 minutes trying to grab a nose-hair.
They're actually super tough to grab, but I finally got him.

Fuck facebook too, I knew sooner or later it would make me feel all fat.
Here's a pic someone added of me and lisa at grad like a thousand years ago.
Check the boyish grin, back before the weight of the world crushed my spirit.

Stupid fucking Blush Ultraclub better god-damned open soon.

Listen up, I want to add some more people to my stupid LJ friends-list thingy.
Because you guys are boring the life out of me with your boringness.

I'm looking for pretty much anyone who writes/comments about interesting crap.

I'm perfectly willing to hunt them down and convince them I'm worthy,
so my only question to you is "Who's on here that would be fun to add?"

In an unrelated story I'm probably going to start making "that's what she said" jokes.
You have been warned.

P.S It's already Friday February 16th 2007 and I still haven't banged Lindsay Lohan.